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| "Where has all the time gone?"
I'm staring at the clock.
"This is your one last chance to speak your mind,
Before this all just drops." "But I'm screaming it at you!
I'm telling you how I feel,
You're fat, you're ugly, I hate your guts,
I can't help the way I deal!" "I'm begging you to tell me,
Before it all goes down the drain.
Just let me in your head for once,
Reverse the incessant strain." "I love you, I need you, I'm always your's,
I swear that's what I said,
You're everything I'm thinking,"
It's not just in my head. "Just tell me, please,
I'll guess it if you'd like,
This can't go on forever,
Why do you put up such a fight?" "I'm not fighting at all,
I'm begging you for help,
All the signs are there for you,
And you just watch me as I melt." The screaming goes on and on,
With silence almost dead,
You're ignoring what's between the lines,
Everything I never said.
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| Lol gawd everyone needs to grow up. I realized the other day, that the older you get, the more you realize that things never end the way they should. It's kinda sad. I've also realized that I've matured a lot lately. Meh. School starts Wednesday, I don't want to go back. I won't even get to see my boyfriend since he's off in his diversion program until November. Oh well, I'm going to make this a good year if it kills me. --Edit:-- My boyfriend just texted me and told me he's drunk. Which pisses me off even though I do it too. Maybe I'm a little hypocritical, but before I even started drinking we had a deal that I wouldn't cut if he didn't drink. I went through hell getting him to stop, and after the first time we broke up he started again and wouldn't stop. He said since I won't let him do drugs, he needs something. He doesn't do it as much as he used to but still.. It bothers me. --Edit again-- I might as well get drunk too. | | |
| She's still mad and it's fucking ridiculous. I can't help that I don't like her like that. Apparently I was "leading her on." Whatever. Anyways...me and my ex, Jason, are cool again. I'm pretty sure he still likes me. He said he "still hates himself for ruining his chance with me." It made me feel bad.. Oh well. | | |
| Gawd. Christi keeps telling me how madly in love with me she is, and she keeps touching my ass and stuff. I told my boyfriend, and it's been driving him into insanity. Tonight he finally flipped out, started screaming and getting frustrated. He cut, he promised he wouldn't if I didn't. Thus, making me upset and getting angry with him. Then he decided he was scared because he thought he was going to kill himself. He says this way too often, and I know he'll never do it. I was frustrated at this point, knowing he wouldn't really do it, also tired and crabby from being at band camp all week. So I let out a sarcastic "oh my gawd." This set him off. He went crazy. Started screaming about how I don't care about him and how bad that hurt. I know I shouldn't have done it, but it was a little over exaggerated. He kept hanging up and telling me to not call back, and how he felt so extremely abandoned because I used to be the only person he could talk to about stuff like that and now he can't. Just because of that, he can't fucking talk to me when he's upset anymore? Gawd. Whatever. He eventually calmed down but it's still bugging me. I think he's just been feeling a little abandoned lately, and this was he way of getting that all out. I hope so anyway.. Christi's mad at me too. Over something equally stupid. Like I said, she keeps flirting with me and touching me. I don't like her like that. I'm happy in my relationship, and we're just friends. We've been best friends since 4th grade. Anyway, I told her to quit and that I had a boyfriend. Which resulted in: Her: "You did it before."
Me: "Yeah, but I was gunna break up with him anyway."
Her: "Oh yeah of course."
Racheal: "She was just using you for a reason."
Me: "Kinda" She stormed off and didn't talk to me for the rest of the day, still hasn't actually. I think she's under the impression that what happened while I was dating my ex actually meant something on an emotional level. It really didn't. I didn't know she thought it did.. | | |
| One of my best friends is telling me how her mom just hit her. After her girlfriend just broke up with her. And her dad just went off to rehab. Fuck. Poor thing. =/ I feel like writing. In other news, when did the internet become a popularity contest? Who has the most subscriptions on xanga, who has the most friends on myspace. It's ridiculous. All the scene kids with their funny hair. My xanga is just for writing and bitching. And my myspace is just for talking to my friends. Not to try and be accepted by everyone. Lol whatever. Edit: The world is fucked up. It's so upside down, I sometimes question if it's really real. | | |
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